Living
"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist that is all." - Oscar Wilde
ok. I'm twenty and i'm in france right now, quite far from my motherland - the Philippines. When I was a kid, I used to think about what I will be doing at the age of twenty. Now I'm twenty, I still don't know what I'm doing. I've always had plans about what I will do in my life. But now, now that I'm in that future I was pertaining to, it seems different - I seem to be at a loss. I don't know where to start, or if I have started already.
Why am I in France? Some twist of fate perhaps. Yes, I've always wanted to go to France for one reason or another, but I never really thought of pursuing it. And one crazy night, I went online on my rarely-used Yahoo Messenger, talked to Madz, and voila, I suddenly found myself applying for the exchange student program I had ignored for so long, beating deadlines, half-hoping for and half-dreading positive results.
When I was a kid, I was awed by fantastic stories of the revolution, the kings and queens, the ladies, the nobles, the musketeers - the mysteries of the court. I dreamt of walking down the same halls they traversed, view the same sights they saw. But I don't know, that reason seems too shallow. Now that I'm here in France, I haven't been to any castle (but I intend to go some time), but I still feel as if I'm living out my dreams. Perhaps because there had always been the little traveller in me. The person yearning to go out and explore - the person yearning to add another place to her "been to" list. But more importantly maybe it's because of the person inside me yearning to live and not to merely exist. And what does this place have anything to do with that? Childhood dreams fusing with waves of change. In front of so many different people, so many different places, so many different cultures, so many different words and accents, I can't help but reevaluate my life - or what I thought was life. Back home I lived life like there's no other world out there. I thought I had seen the world but I was wrong. Indeed, I knew that while I'm drinking coke in utter sunshine, someone might be snoring in his/her sleep at the other side of the world. But that was just it. I never imagined myself experiencing the other side of the world and breathing the same air, living their lifestyle. And what is living and what is merely existing? Maybe living is acting, of reassessing life and putting things in your hands, grabbing opportunities that come your way. Maybe living is the reason why I decided to push through with this French trip. Not just because I had no choice since backing out will damage the school's name. It was about living or at least trying to. It was simply because I wanted to suck the marrow out of life. I don't know how to gauge if I'm successful at it or not. But whatever happens, at least I can say that I not only tried, but I did my best. Carpe diem.
Lighter note: I daresay this is such a serious entry to start off my blog. Maybe the thought that I'm the only person at this floor in the dorm is driving me crazy. :)
ok. I'm twenty and i'm in france right now, quite far from my motherland - the Philippines. When I was a kid, I used to think about what I will be doing at the age of twenty. Now I'm twenty, I still don't know what I'm doing. I've always had plans about what I will do in my life. But now, now that I'm in that future I was pertaining to, it seems different - I seem to be at a loss. I don't know where to start, or if I have started already.
Why am I in France? Some twist of fate perhaps. Yes, I've always wanted to go to France for one reason or another, but I never really thought of pursuing it. And one crazy night, I went online on my rarely-used Yahoo Messenger, talked to Madz, and voila, I suddenly found myself applying for the exchange student program I had ignored for so long, beating deadlines, half-hoping for and half-dreading positive results.
When I was a kid, I was awed by fantastic stories of the revolution, the kings and queens, the ladies, the nobles, the musketeers - the mysteries of the court. I dreamt of walking down the same halls they traversed, view the same sights they saw. But I don't know, that reason seems too shallow. Now that I'm here in France, I haven't been to any castle (but I intend to go some time), but I still feel as if I'm living out my dreams. Perhaps because there had always been the little traveller in me. The person yearning to go out and explore - the person yearning to add another place to her "been to" list. But more importantly maybe it's because of the person inside me yearning to live and not to merely exist. And what does this place have anything to do with that? Childhood dreams fusing with waves of change. In front of so many different people, so many different places, so many different cultures, so many different words and accents, I can't help but reevaluate my life - or what I thought was life. Back home I lived life like there's no other world out there. I thought I had seen the world but I was wrong. Indeed, I knew that while I'm drinking coke in utter sunshine, someone might be snoring in his/her sleep at the other side of the world. But that was just it. I never imagined myself experiencing the other side of the world and breathing the same air, living their lifestyle. And what is living and what is merely existing? Maybe living is acting, of reassessing life and putting things in your hands, grabbing opportunities that come your way. Maybe living is the reason why I decided to push through with this French trip. Not just because I had no choice since backing out will damage the school's name. It was about living or at least trying to. It was simply because I wanted to suck the marrow out of life. I don't know how to gauge if I'm successful at it or not. But whatever happens, at least I can say that I not only tried, but I did my best. Carpe diem.
Lighter note: I daresay this is such a serious entry to start off my blog. Maybe the thought that I'm the only person at this floor in the dorm is driving me crazy. :)
posted by Pia at
11:55 PM
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