Bien fait

When I woke up this morning, I could almost hear panic bells going off. The last lecture for the analyse numerique, a subject I'm taking here was scheduled for this morning and the test is already on wednesday. But that's not the jist of the story. The point is, I haven't gone to a single lecture for the almost one week it was being held. The subject has 10 hours lecture under its name, and today was the last two hours, and voila, i was sleeping in my room for the first 30 minutes of that last two hours. Good thing javier told me there was a break after the 1st hour. At least I could just squeeze in when everyone's out to go for a break. So there, out of the 10 hours lecture for that subject, I only attended 1 hour, plus the 2-hour lab work last friday. There's supposed to be a laboratory later in the same subject - the last one, but it has a conflict with my other lab in icam 1, so i might not attend it either.

Anyway, that was my first time to oversleep here in france. And why did i oversleep? Because I slept at 6am thinking I can get up in time for the class. Tsk2. No, I haven't been studying, although I should have been. I was busy checking out plane ticket rates around europe so that I can go on vacation. hehe. It's amazing from a Filipino point of view. Plane tickets in the Philippines cost a fortune, while here, with 40-70 euros, you can purchase two-way plane tickets to different countries already! And take note, the really plane ticket price is only around 20 euros (there was even a 1 euro ticket to cologne, no kidding). What brings up the prices are the airport taxes, etc. which often than not are more expensive than the actual ticket. Hehe. But there, I have to plan my vacation early - at least a month before I go so that I can get ticket prices at such low prices. I want to go to Barcelona, Athens, Berlin, Venice, etc. I don't know which one to go to first and I don't have anyone to go with yet!

Athens (hehe, this is my favorite) anyone?

I won't go near my bed for the next few hours.

after spending a weekend in utter boredom save for a few bright spots brought by the company of the erasmus students and a few classmates who dropped by, i'm still ploughing in deep homework trouble. sniff. icam 1 and icam 2 together with learning french (but this part sure is fun, really) are already too much too handle but ateneo had to give me homework.

anyways, i've been comparing the filipino language with the spanish language with javier's help, and it is funny. i knew some filipino words were in spanish, but not to the depths i discovered! i've been thinking about it a lot, and i feel a bit sad because nowadays, most of the people i know speaks mixed filipino and english. some way or another, five minutes of talking couldn't pass without an english word being mentioned, excluding technical terms.

now, i want to study spanish. hehe. after i study french, i intend to study spanish. perhaps i can take a masteral degree there. hehe. it will extend my opportunity to go around europe.

the jta students are in panic mode already. they only have a few weeks left (actually months, but since we're only free weekends, they're not counted as such) and they're making the most out of their stay by going places. i wish i can join them, but unfortunately my carte de sejour isn't here yet. maybe i'll gate crash into their place later. i hope they brought me some pasalubong. :)

a moment earlier i was complaining about beeing in deep homework trouble and after waking up from dozing off while doing my homeworks, i'm already here in the net typing away. maybe i should get back to my homework.

Cut off

I've been reading blogs of friends and I can't help but feel cut off. Wala lang (translation: Nothing? hehe). I don't know what's happening in the Philippines, what most of my friends are up to, etc. I'm not complaining, but it really feels weird - as if I'm living in another dimension. Here, I don't feel the problems they tell. When you look outside the window, everything's tranquil, save for a few bursts of boisterous laughter.

I remember Disneyland, that vast piece of land wherein for a moment, you can forget all your problems. While watching the parade and seeing everyone - young and old alike, men and women, chubby young boys and girls - singing to or swaying to the alice in wonderland song, you can't help but return to that childlike innocence where problems don't exist, save perhaps for the aggitation brought by having your 7.50 euro balloon fly off to the sky. (yes, i'll send the pictures soon.)

Is boredom getting the better of me? I might be becoming crazy, but it doesn't change the fact that I miss my friends in the Philippines. paramdam kayo. :)

Not a person in sight.

Yesterday, I was wondering about going to Brussels or not. I finally decided to go, feeling a bit guilty about the decision because I had to do lots of stuff for school, but then things were eventually decided for me, and I had no choice but to accept. I couldn't join the JTAs because of the fancy thing called visa. Oh well, maybe I can go next time. It's lucky I escaped control the last time I went to La Panne in Belgium. At any rate, I didn't know we were going to Belgium at that time.

I hope my carte de sejour arrives soon. I'm raring to tour Europe! For now, I'm stuck here in the dorm. Not a soul in sight, and the only things I hear are the sounds of occasional vehicles passing by - so far off - so distant. I'm not sad or anything. The feeling of isolation is amusing to an extent. But I know I won't last a day staring at the wall or at my book, which I should be reading by now since my beloved teachers in Ateneo give me homeworks and exams with their warm wishes. (Note/Remarque in French[side side note: I might as well practice a bit French because I'm going to take DELF and I really want to learn.]: It might seem that I'm sarcastic in the previous sentence, but no, I really adore most of my teachers in Ateneo, save for a few who are... oh well...)

Anyway, I just remembered I borrowed books from the bibliotheque (without the proper e accent since I don't have a french keyboard and I'm too lazy to press the write stuff in my keyboard just to produce an e with an accent on top) which were, grr..., due yesterday... Oh well, I might drop by the bibliotheque later. I hope it is open. Perhaps I'll have a lovely chat with the librarian, who is really really kind. Or when I get too bored I'll just walk the streets of Lille.

Living

"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist that is all." - Oscar Wilde

ok. I'm twenty and i'm in france right now, quite far from my motherland - the Philippines. When I was a kid, I used to think about what I will be doing at the age of twenty. Now I'm twenty, I still don't know what I'm doing. I've always had plans about what I will do in my life. But now, now that I'm in that future I was pertaining to, it seems different - I seem to be at a loss. I don't know where to start, or if I have started already.

Why am I in France? Some twist of fate perhaps. Yes, I've always wanted to go to France for one reason or another, but I never really thought of pursuing it. And one crazy night, I went online on my rarely-used Yahoo Messenger, talked to Madz, and voila, I suddenly found myself applying for the exchange student program I had ignored for so long, beating deadlines, half-hoping for and half-dreading positive results.

When I was a kid, I was awed by fantastic stories of the revolution, the kings and queens, the ladies, the nobles, the musketeers - the mysteries of the court. I dreamt of walking down the same halls they traversed, view the same sights they saw. But I don't know, that reason seems too shallow. Now that I'm here in France, I haven't been to any castle (but I intend to go some time), but I still feel as if I'm living out my dreams. Perhaps because there had always been the little traveller in me. The person yearning to go out and explore - the person yearning to add another place to her "been to" list. But more importantly maybe it's because of the person inside me yearning to live and not to merely exist. And what does this place have anything to do with that? Childhood dreams fusing with waves of change. In front of so many different people, so many different places, so many different cultures, so many different words and accents, I can't help but reevaluate my life - or what I thought was life. Back home I lived life like there's no other world out there. I thought I had seen the world but I was wrong. Indeed, I knew that while I'm drinking coke in utter sunshine, someone might be snoring in his/her sleep at the other side of the world. But that was just it. I never imagined myself experiencing the other side of the world and breathing the same air, living their lifestyle. And what is living and what is merely existing? Maybe living is acting, of reassessing life and putting things in your hands, grabbing opportunities that come your way. Maybe living is the reason why I decided to push through with this French trip. Not just because I had no choice since backing out will damage the school's name. It was about living or at least trying to. It was simply because I wanted to suck the marrow out of life. I don't know how to gauge if I'm successful at it or not. But whatever happens, at least I can say that I not only tried, but I did my best. Carpe diem.

Lighter note: I daresay this is such a serious entry to start off my blog. Maybe the thought that I'm the only person at this floor in the dorm is driving me crazy. :)